This builds upon itself in a positive feedback loop vs. Becoming assertive is a learning process and is perhaps the most powerful tool in recovery. You get to be the author of your life – what you’ll do and not do and how people will treat you.the downward spiral of codependency, which creates more fear, depression, and low self-esteem. Assertiveness requires that you know yourself and risk making that public. Because being assertive is so fundamental to recovery, I wrote lays out a detailed recovery plan with self-discovery exercises, tips, and daily reminders. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself on your journey.Healing develops the following characteristics: * You’re authentic * You’re autonomous * You’re capable of intimacy * Your values, thoughts, feelings, and actions become integrated and congruent Change is not easy.It takes time and involves the following four steps: 1.Codependency is frequently used as a blanket term that covers a variety of behaviors and situations.The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines codependency as: A psychological condition or relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin) Broadly: Dependence on the needs of or control by another.You may have grown up in a family where you weren’t nurtured, your opinions and feelings weren’t respected, and your emotional needs weren’t adequately met.Over time, rather than risk rejection or criticism, you learned to ignore your needs and feelings, believed that you’re were wrong.
Instead of having a healthy relationship with yourself, you make something or someone else more important.
It also means setting internal boundaries by keeping commitments to yourself, or saying “no” to your Critic or other old habits you want to change.
Instead of expecting others to meet all your needs and make you happy, you learn to take actions to meet them, and do things that give you fulfillment and satisfaction in your life.
This is true whether you’re an alcoholic or in love with one.
Not only do codependents deny their own addiction – whether to a drug, activity, or a person – they deny their feelings, and especially their needs, particularly emotional needs for nurturing and real intimacy.